When I am using Transformation in the title of this site, I guess it’s time to say what that means to me.
There are two things I want to say.
I was recently doing a charity walk in my local area and found myself walking alongside some lovely people to chat with, which I really appreciated. One person asked me about the coaching I do and came up with this question: “What’s the point where a person who’s feeling bad, finds a way to turn that around and get their life going again? Where does the transformation happen?”
I’d not been asked that question before and after a few moments’ thought, I was able to say this:
Transformation happens when a person stops seeing themselves as tossed about by their circumstances. It’s when they realise they have a choice about what to do next. It’s when someone can finally say, “I can do something now.” Being able to do one thing for themselves out of choice, not because they “have to” can make them change direction and transform their lives.
Sometimes people have been through terrible times, really tough circumstances and their previous experience hasn’t helped them see any strengths. They may feel dependent, crushed, pressured and often feeling so stressed, hurt or anxious, that they really can’t start asking for help in any way. What I’ve noticed is that after I’ve listened to someone properly and really heard what they’re saying about their lives, after I’ve let them know I was listening, by telling them what I heard and understood, what they might be feeling and what they really want, they feel relief at being fully heard. Often, this is what it takes for them to transform what’s going on into asking for something better, asking for support or something they really need to get their lives more at ease and calmer.
The second thing I want to say is what I mean by transformation: I mean when someone recognises where they can change something and turn their angry energy, frustrated energy, stressed and anxious head-in-a-whirl energy into easy steps that make them happier. It’s when someone chooses to take a walk, take a break, go to a class, practise meditation, do what’s important to them, speak their thoughts. It’s when someone can talk about the awful, painful feelings they have and then figure out what they were really wanting and not getting. It when someone can see where they need space, respect, acknowledgment, harmony, gentleness, kindness, being heard, being accepted, trust. When someone can choose what they really want, they may transform their pain into happiness.
How does that sound? Let me know by leaving a comment.
Thanks for listening.
Great post Ron! Interesting and very true.
Thank you, Jodie. I so appreciate your voice and affirmation.
It sounds life saving. For me even being able to express the truth of life is hard. Realising how lucky we are and so shifting how programmed we are to focus on our negatives has been a good first step for me.
Bob Proctor calls it shifting your paradigm. For many of us this starts when we feel safe and supported.
I so value your response, Justin. I care so deeply about people feeling safe and supported and your affirming this means a lot to me. I am touched when you say that for you, “even being able to express the truth of life is hard.” If I can make this expression easier for you or anyone, I feel my aliveness and purpose and I am grateful.